You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
