the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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