I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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