how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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