My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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