Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
