The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
