hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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