I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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