Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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