so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ugly people sure do ruin things
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
