Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
