i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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