im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
