Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
