put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
