so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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