His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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