no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
