Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to fling myself into the sun
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
