dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you never un-have a 4some
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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