I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
