That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
