hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
