That's intense
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have tasted many bathrooms
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
