i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
