My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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