Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
