My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
