A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
