Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
