I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
