Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
