'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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