I need help removing her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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