I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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