Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
