I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
