New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
