I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
