The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
