Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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