Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
