how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
