i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
