If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
