Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
