Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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