almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
