Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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