would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
