The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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