Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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