I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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