There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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