good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
