I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
