like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
