ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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