The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
