dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
