just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize