none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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