Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
