Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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