He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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