Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
