I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
