Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
