So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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