Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
