So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
