God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
