I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
