I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
