yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
