dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
