We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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