Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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