Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
