Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will pee on everything he values.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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